Japanese Wedding Phrases and Giving a Short Speech

Congratulating the couple and both families

The core phrase is gokekkon omedetō gozaimasu, and the thing learners miss is that congratulations are also directed at the two families as a unit, goryōke no minasama. A wedding is commonly treated as an event joining two households, so a guest who greets only the couple has said half of what is expected. If you meet a parent, use the family line.

Honjitsu wa, meaning today, is the standard opener at the venue itself and immediately raises the register. Kono tabi wa, meaning on this occasion, works for congratulations given earlier, in a message or at the office. Both are formulas rather than descriptions, so do not translate them literally when you use them.

The couple's likely reply is arigatō gozaimasu or, from a parent, honjitsu wa oide itadaki arigatō gozaimasu, meaning thank you for coming today. Keep your side to one or two sentences; the couple has a queue behind you and a schedule to keep.

Arriving, the desk, and the seating chart

Guests generally arrive early, leave coats and large bags at the cloakroom, and go straight to the reception desk, which is usually staffed by friends of the couple rather than venue staff. You give your name with your relationship attached, hand over your envelope, sign the register and are pointed to the seating chart. Tables are assigned, and seats nearest the couple are usually for colleagues and seniors while family sits furthest away, which is the reverse of what many guests expect.

The gift envelope is a decorated one bought for the purpose, tied with a knot that does not pull apart, carried in a small cloth wrap and taken out at the desk. Amounts vary widely by relationship and region, and some couples hold fee-based parties where the amount is stated on the invitation instead, so ask a mutual friend rather than guessing. Reply to the invitation by the date given, since caterers and seating are fixed on those numbers.

Words weddings usually avoid

Wedding language avoids two families of words. The first suggests the marriage coming apart: cutting, separating, leaving, returning, cooling, breaking, ending. The second is repetition, doubled words that hint at a second wedding. Most guests never notice the substitutions because they are so standard, but a speech that says saigo ni or owarimasu will be noticed, and those are exactly the words a learner reaches for at the end of a speech.

The cake moment is the clearest example: nobody says the cake is cut, they say a knife is put into it. In the same way a reception does not finish, it ohiraki, which literally means opening out. Learning these three substitutions covers most of the risk for a guest.

The five parts of a guest speech

A guest speech is built from five parts in a fixed order, and four of them are formulas you can learn as they are. You address the couple and both families, introduce yourself and your connection, tell one specific story, offer a wish for the future, and close. Everything you actually write is in part three.

The reason to keep the shape is that the room knows it. Guests recognise sen'etsu nagara as the signal that a speech is beginning and kantan de wa gozaimasu ga as the signal that it is ending, which means nobody is left wondering whether you have finished. Deviating from the frame does not read as original; it reads as a speech that lost its footing.

One optional sixth line comes first at some receptions: minasama, dōzo gochakuseki kudasai, asking the guests who stood for the couple to sit down. The host or the organiser will tell you whether that line is yours. If nobody mentions it, leave it out.

Writing the one part that is yours

The story is one concrete episode, told in three or four sentences, that shows something good about the person you know. Not a summary of their career and not a list of their qualities. A specific scene is what the room remembers: the morning they came in early to fix someone else's file, the trip where they carried everyone's luggage, the day they first mentioned their partner and could not stop smiling.

Two rules keep you safe. Do not tell a story that embarrasses anyone, including old relationships, drinking, money and work failures, because parents and bosses are in the room. And do not tell an inside joke, because most of the audience does not share your context. If the story needs three sentences of background before it lands, choose another story.

A complete two-minute speech

Here is the whole thing in order, using orimasu and itadakimasu forms because a reception speech sits at the formal end of the register. Read it through once as a unit, then replace only the middle five lines with your own. Note that the speaker names the couple by given name with -san, which is normal for a friend or colleague, while a boss or a much older speaker may use family names.

Delivered at a calm pace with a pause after each part, that is close to two minutes. Stand still, hold the microphone at chin height, look at the couple for the address and the wish, and look at the room for the story. Bow once at the end, before you sit down rather than while you are moving.

Speaking at a smaller party instead

Not every celebration is a formal reception. Second parties in the evening and fee-based restaurant gatherings are common, and there the register drops noticeably. You still open with a congratulation and still avoid the same words, but the humble formulas are unnecessary and a two-minute speech would be too long. Thirty seconds and a toast is the right size.

If you are asked to lead the toast, the pattern is fixed: ask everyone to raise their glasses, name the couple, say kanpai and drink. Do not add a speech in front of it, because the toast leader speaking for two minutes is a familiar way to stall a party. Say it loudly enough that the back of the room can join in.

Casual forms are labelled here because they are for friends of the same age. With a colleague's family, or with anyone senior, stay in the desu and masu forms even at an informal party.

The thank-you afterwards

A message the next day is normal and short. Thank them for the invitation, name one thing you actually saw, and stop. If you gave a speech, this is also the place to say a modest word about it rather than at the venue. Couples are usually exhausted and often travelling, so say clearly that no reply is needed.

The couple will thank guests in their own time, and many send a small gift or a card afterwards. When that arrives, a brief acknowledgement when you next speak is enough. Longer term, the friendship carries on in the ordinary way, and an invitation to dinner a few weeks later is a warmer follow-up than another formal message.

How to rehearse before the day

The formal phrases in a wedding speech are longer than anything in ordinary conversation, and nobesasete itadakimasu is the kind of string that collapses under nerves if you have only read it. Practise it as a whole unit at speaking speed, not syllable by syllable, and practise standing rather than sitting, because your breathing changes.

• Time yourself out loud; a written speech always runs longer when spoken.
• Say the opening and closing formulas ten times each until they need no thought.
• Mark one pause after each of the five parts and breathe there deliberately.
• Record yourself once and listen for the long vowels in omedetō, shōkai and kōhai.
• Check every name and reading with a mutual friend, since given-name readings are easy to get wrong.
• Print the speech in large text on one card, and hold it low rather than reading from a phone.