The core idea: two questions decide everything
Before you look at a single envelope, answer two questions about the occasion. Is it happy or sad? Would you be glad if it happened again? A birth is happy and welcome again. A wedding is happy but should happen once. An illness is unhappy and, you hope, will not return. A funeral is sad and once-only in every sense.
The first answer picks the family of envelope, the colours, the noshi and the ink. The second picks the knot. Almost every rule below follows from one of the two. In a stationery aisle, a newcomer asks the shop assistant for help.
| Japanese | Romaji | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| 結婚のお祝い用の袋はありますか。 | Kekkon no oiwai-yō no fukuro wa arimasu ka. | Do you have envelopes for a wedding gift? |
| 出産祝いには、どれがいいですか。 | Shussan-iwai ni wa, dore ga ii desu ka. | Which one is right for a new baby? |
| 御祝と書いてあるものでいいですか。 | O-iwai to kaite aru mono de ii desu ka. | Is one that says o-iwai all right? |
| 香典袋はどこにありますか。 | Kōden-bukuro wa doko ni arimasu ka. | Where are the condolence envelopes? |
Shūgi-bukuro and bushūgi-bukuro: the two families
A shūgi-bukuro (祝儀袋) carries money for a happy occasion: a wedding, a birth, a new school. A bushūgi-bukuro (不祝儀袋) is literally a not-celebration bag, the envelope for condolence money. That money is kōden (香典), literally an incense offering, since it is said to have begun as incense brought for the altar. In speech people say kōden-bukuro for the sad kind and go-shūgi-bukuro or noshi-bukuro for the happy kind.
Happy envelopes are bright, with a noshi; sad ones are muted, without. Everyday souvenirs between friends need none of this. Here a colleague helps you prepare for a coworker's wedding and, the same month, a funeral.
| Japanese | Romaji | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| ご祝儀袋、早めに買っておかないと。 | Goshūgi-bukuro, hayame ni katte okanai to. | I need to buy a wedding envelope soon. |
| 香典袋は、コンビニにも売っていますよ。 | Kōden-bukuro wa, konbini ni mo utte imasu yo. | Convenience stores sell condolence envelopes too. |
The knot tells the future: chō-musubi and musubi-kiri
Mizuhiki (水引) are the stiff paper cords around the envelope, literally water pulling, said to come from drawing them through starch water to stiffen them. The knot answers the second question.
Chō-musubi (蝶結び), literally a butterfly knot, is a bow. Pull one end and it comes undone, and it can be tied again: may this happen again. It goes on births, school entry, seasonal gifts and thanks. Musubi-kiri (結び切り), literally tied and cut, tightens the harder you pull: once is enough. Awaji-musubi (あわじ結び), with interlocking loops, is a fixed knot used for weddings and condolences alike; in Kansai it appears on almost every envelope. A colleague checks your choice before a wedding.
| Japanese | Romaji | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| これは蝶結びなので、結婚祝いには使えませんよ。 | Kore wa chō-musubi na node, kekkon-iwai ni wa tsukaemasen yo. | This one has a bow, so you can't use it for a wedding. |
| お見舞いは結び切りにします。 | O-mimai wa musubi-kiri ni shimasu. | For a get-well gift, I'll use a fixed knot. |
| 関西では、あわじ結びをよく使います。 | Kansai de wa, awaji-musubi o yoku tsukaimasu. | In Kansai, people often use awaji-musubi. |
Colours, the noshi and the ink
The first question shows in three places. Colours: red and white, kōhaku (紅白), for most celebrations; gold and silver for weddings and other grand ones; black and white or double silver, sōgin (双銀), for condolences.
The noshi (熨斗), literally something stretched flat, is the folded ornament at the top right. It began as abalone dried and stretched thin, a luxury added to gifts, so it belongs to celebrations only; many people also omit it when the gift is fish or meat. Ink: celebrations use solid black; condolences traditionally use usuzumi (薄墨), thin grey ink, said to show tears diluting it, though black is now widely accepted. At a gift counter, these choices take a few words.
| Japanese | Romaji | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| お見舞いなので、のしはなしでお願いします。 | O-mimai na node, noshi wa nashi de onegai shimasu. | It's a get-well gift, so no noshi, please. |
| 香典袋は、黒白と双銀、どちらがいいですか。 | Kōden-bukuro wa, kuroshiro to sōgin, dochira ga ii desu ka. | For the condolence envelope, black and white or double silver? |
| Occasion | Reading | Cords | Knot | Noshi |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 結婚 | kekkon | Gold and silver or red and white | Musubi-kiri or awaji-musubi | Yes |
| 出産・入学 | shussan, nyūgaku | Red and white | Chō-musubi | Yes |
| お礼・お中元・お歳暮 | o-rei, ochūgen, oseibo | Red and white | Chō-musubi | Yes |
| お見舞い | o-mimai | Red and white | Musubi-kiri | Often left off |
| 葬儀・法要 | sōgi, hōyō | Black and white or double silver | Musubi-kiri or awaji-musubi | Never |
Practice varies by region and family: Kansai uses yellow and white cords for later memorial services, and a white envelope with a red stripe is common for get-well money. Local custom wins.
Omote-gaki: the heading above the cord
Omote-gaki (表書き), literally front writing, is the heading above the cord, naming the purpose in two to five characters. Your name goes below the knot, a little smaller. Most envelopes come with the heading printed, or with printed strips, tanzaku, to slip under the cord, so on day one you mainly need to recognise headings.
| Heading | Reading | When it is used |
|---|---|---|
| 御祝 | o-iwai | Any celebration; the safe all-purpose heading |
| 寿 | kotobuki | Weddings |
| 御結婚御祝 | go-kekkon oiwai | Weddings, spelled out |
| 御出産御祝 | go-shussan oiwai | A new baby |
| 御礼 | o-rei | Thanks for a favour, or a fee to a helper |
| 御見舞 | o-mimai | Someone ill or in hospital |
| 内祝 | uchi-iwai | A return gift from a family that received celebration money |
Why go-kekkon oiwai and not a shorter four-character heading? Many people avoid four-character headings because four can be read shi, like death. It is a habit, not a rule.
Beyond the basics: go-reizen, go-butsuzen and the 49th day
Condolence headings depend on religion and timing, and Japanese adults check this too. In most Buddhist schools the spirit is thought to remain for 49 days before becoming a Buddha. Before that you write go-reizen (御霊前), literally before the spirit; from the 49th-day memorial, shijūku-nichi, you write go-butsuzen (御仏前), before the Buddha. Jōdo Shinshū teaches that the deceased becomes a Buddha at death, so its families expect go-butsuzen even at the funeral.
Shinto funerals take o-tamagushi-ryō, named after the sacred branch laid at the altar, and Christian ones o-hana-ryō, flower money. If you do not know the religion, go-reizen is the usual fallback, but asking beats guessing.
| Japanese | Romaji | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| お通夜の香典は、御霊前でいいですか。 | Otsuya no kōden wa, go-reizen de ii desu ka. | For the wake, is go-reizen right? |
| ご宗派はご存じですか。 | Goshūha wa gozonji desu ka. | Do you know which Buddhist school the family follows? |
| 浄土真宗なら、御仏前にしてください。 | Jōdo Shinshū nara, go-butsuzen ni shite kudasai. | If it's Jōdo Shinshū, write go-butsuzen. |
| 四十九日の法要には、御仏前を持っていきます。 | Shijūku-nichi no hōyō ni wa, go-butsuzen o motte ikimasu. | For the 49th-day service, I'll take a go-butsuzen envelope. |
Writing your name, alone or with others
Write your full name below the knot in brush pen or felt pen, not ballpoint. For a couple, the husband's full name traditionally sits in the centre and the wife's given name to its left. Up to three people write in a row, the most senior on the right. For more, write one name with hoka ichidō, and all the others, and slip a list inside.
Unlike a postal envelope, the front carries only the purpose and your name. Your address and the amount go on the inner envelope, where the sum is written in formal numerals, a topic of its own. Colleagues pooling money might say the following.
| Japanese | Romaji | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| 連名で書いてもいいですか。 | Renmei de kaite mo ii desu ka. | Can we write our names together? |
| 人数が多いから、営業部一同にしましょう。 | Ninzū ga ōi kara, Eigyōbu ichidō ni shimashō. | There are a lot of us, so let's write Sales Department, ichidō. |
| 筆ペン、持っていますか。 | Fude-pen, motte imasu ka. | Do you have a brush pen? |
Handing it over: what people actually say
The envelope travels in a fukusa (袱紗), a small cloth wrapper, bright for celebrations and dark for condolences. At the reception desk you take it out, turn it to face the receiver and hand it over with both hands and one quiet sentence: first the wedding lines, then the funeral lines.
At a department store gift counter the staff ask the questions. Soto-noshi puts the noshi paper outside the wrapping so the purpose shows, usual for gifts handed over in person; uchi-noshi puts it underneath, more modest, common for gifts sent by courier.
| Japanese | Romaji | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| 本日はおめでとうございます。 | Honjitsu wa omedetō gozaimasu. | Congratulations on today. |
| 心ばかりのお祝いです。どうぞお納めください。 | Kokoro bakari no oiwai desu. Dōzo oosame kudasai. | Just a small token of celebration. Please accept it. |
| このたびはご愁傷様でございます。 | Kono tabi wa goshūshō-sama de gozaimasu. | I am deeply sorry for your loss. |
| 御霊前にお供えください。 | Go-reizen ni osonae kudasai. | Please offer this at the altar. |
| のしはおかけしますか。 | Noshi wa okake shimasu ka. | Shall we add gift paper with a noshi? |
| 内のしと外のし、どちらになさいますか。 | Uchi-noshi to soto-noshi, dochira ni nasaimasu ka. | Would you like it inside or outside the wrapping? |
| 手渡しなので、外のしでお願いします。 | Tewatashi na node, soto-noshi de onegai shimasu. | I'm handing it over in person, so outside, please. |
Common mistakes with money envelopes
A bow knot on wedding money. It looks festive, but it says may this happen again. Weddings take a fixed knot.
A brand-new note for a funeral, or a crumpled one at a wedding. Newcomers assume new notes are always politer. For weddings they are, so get fresh notes from a bank in advance. At a funeral a crisp note can suggest you prepared for the death; use a clean used note or fold a new one once.
Go-reizen at every Buddhist event, because it is the first condolence word learners meet. From the 49th day, and at any Jōdo Shinshū funeral, write go-butsuzen.
A lavish envelope with a small sum. The envelope is seen before the money, so thick gold cords raise expectations. Match it to the amount; packaging often prints a suggested range.
The name at the top, in ballpoint, a habit from everyday forms. The purpose goes above the cord, the name below, in brush pen.