Hikikomori Meaning: The Verb Hikikomoru, Related Words and Talking About It

The verb hikikomoru and its parts

Hikikomoru, 引きこもる, joins hiku, to pull or draw, and komoru, to shut oneself in or stay inside. Komoru on its own is a useful word: you can komoru in a temple to pray, in a study to write, or at home with a cold. Adding hiki gives a sense of drawing back or retreating, so hikikomoru means to withdraw indoors. It is an ordinary verb and conjugates normally: hikikomorimasu, hikikomotte iru, hikikomotta.

The noun hikikomori is the stem of the verb, and Japanese nouns made this way can name either the act or the person. That is the source of the confusion for learners. Hikikomori as an act is just staying in; hikikomori as a person, or as a state lasting months or years, is the serious meaning. Context and grammar usually make the difference clear, and the next sections show how.

Hikikomori as a serious word

In its serious sense, hikikomori describes a person who has withdrawn from school, work and almost all social contact outside the family for an extended period, typically staying at home. Support services describe it as a state rather than a diagnosis: it can be connected with anxiety, depression, bullying, a failed job hunt or nothing that can be named, and it affects people of many ages. Families often describe years of worry and the person concerned often describes shame, which is why the subject is treated with care.

Because the word can attach to a person as a label, careful speakers prefer descriptions. Hikikomori no jōtai ni aru, to be in a state of withdrawal, or hikikomori-gimi, tending to withdraw, keep the focus on the situation, which can change. Support is described with shien, support; sōdan, consultation; and ibasho, a place where one belongs. In support contexts the word is often written in hiragana, ひきこもり, which softens its look.

Related words: futōkō, nīto and hikikomori-gachi

Several words sit near hikikomori and are easily confused with it. Futōkō, 不登校, is non-attendance at school: a child who does not go, for whatever reason, and who may be perfectly active at home. Nīto is a young person not in education, employment or training, a description of position, not of sociability. Hikikomori-gachi adds the suffix -gachi, tending to, and is the mild everyday form: someone who tends to stay in. Indoa-ha, the indoor type, is a cheerful label for people who prefer home to hiking.

Debushō, reluctance to go out, is worth learning because it is a light, self-deprecating word with none of the weight of hikikomori. Watashi wa debushō de, I'm a bit of a homebody, is a friendly way to explain why you skipped the trip.

The casual use: I stayed home all weekend

Japanese speakers use the verb hikikomoru lightly all the time. Shūmatsu wa hikikomotte ita, I hid away at home over the weekend, is a normal thing to say on Monday morning, and nobody hears it as a confession. The signals that mark the casual use are a short time frame, a light tone and a reason: it rained, it was cold, there was a series to watch. The -gachi form does the same job: saikin hikikomori-gachi de, I've been staying in a lot lately, is a mild comment on habits.

What tips the word into its serious meaning is the bare noun applied to a person, especially with desu or with a long time expression: ano hito wa hikikomori desu is not a joke. The rule of thumb is that the verb is light, the noun is heavy, and the suffix -gachi is somewhere gentle in between. If you are ever unsure, the plain expressions in the next section describe a weekend at home with no risk at all.

Everyday expressions for staying in

Most of the time, you do not need hikikomoru at all. Japanese has a full set of relaxed, neutral ways to say that you stayed home or did not go out. Gorogoro suru, to laze about, is the friendliest; ie ni iru, to be at home, is the plainest; dekakenai, not to go out, states the fact.

• Zutto ie ni imashita: I was at home the whole time
• Dekakemasen deshita: I didn't go out
• Ie de gorogoro shite imashita: I lazed around at home
• Ie de yukkuri shimashita: I took it easy at home
• Doko ni mo ikimasen deshita: I didn't go anywhere
• Ie de nonbiri sugoshimashita: I spent it relaxing at home
• Ichinichijū neteimashita: I slept all day
• Kyō wa ie ni iru tsumori desu: I plan to stay home today

These are also the expressions for declining an invitation politely: kyō wa ie de yukkuri shitai node, I want to take it easy at home today, needs no further excuse. Adding mata kondo sasotte kudasai, please invite me again, keeps the friendship warm.

Talking about it sensitively

Sooner or later, someone will tell you about a family member or friend who has withdrawn. The most important thing is what you do not say. Avoid offering causes or quick solutions, because the family has almost certainly tried them, and avoid the bare noun as a label unless the speaker uses it first. The response people value is quiet acknowledgement: sō desu ka, taihen desu ne, I see, that must be hard, followed by an open question that lets them continue or stop.

If you are the one with something to share, the gentle framings in this guide help: jōtai, state, and -gimi, tending to, describe without labelling. If you want to mention your own past experience, hikikomotte ita jiki ga arimasu, there was a period when I withdrew, is a calm way to say it. The subject is discussed openly in Japan today, and speaking about it plainly and kindly is entirely acceptable.

Mistakes learners make with hikikomori

The first mistake is using the noun as a casual joke about someone else. Kare wa hikikomori da ne, said about a colleague who skipped the party, is the kind of remark that makes a room go quiet, because the word may be true of someone the listeners know. Keep jokes to yourself and to the verb. The second mistake is the reverse: hearing hikikomotte ita from a friend and responding with concern when they only meant a lazy Sunday.

A third is treating hikikomori, nīto and futōkō as interchangeable; using the wrong one can misdescribe a person's situation in a way that stings. Finally, social withdrawal is not unique to Japan; what is Japanese is the word and the public conversation around it. Treat it as vocabulary for a real human situation, and it will serve you well.